Catfishing to the nth degree...
I've never been happier to say "I have no idea", or "I'm married" than in conversations with people asking for advice who are actively online dating.
When you look at the “modern” dating standards and ethics, you really begin to feel bad for single people. They almost always look in the wrong places, and for the wrong partners. We have been told over the last several decades exactly what “attractive” means, to the degree that modeling agencies, media, and even government entities are propagandizing it. We go from June Cleaver, to Peggy Bundy being the TV icon mom over a gap from 1950’s to 1990’s. Same physical descriptors, healthy physique, well groomed, and moderate curves. Both loyally married stay at home moms, but with vastly different domestic standards. They had a lot in common, as far as the physical appeal, and beauty standards were concerned. The networks made sure, that they were the domestic standard of their day. Now, there are no standards. They can be “fat and fabulous,” according to many publications, and even “fat and healthy” in many other modern viewpoints. All the lines have been blurred.
How does all this relate to modern dating?
I'm glad you asked. We have even come to a time when a person checking the box for Woman on a dating app, does not mean in any way that they physically are one. Imagine going to a restaurant, and on the menu is a picture and description of a beautiful ribeye steak, and you order it. When it arrives, you cut into it only to discover that it is a piece of cake, made to look like a ribeye. That's the modern dating world.
Being asked advice by these doomed men, who have to market, label, and package themselves is impossible. How do you tell them that if they are fairly honest, they will probably will never get past the filtering process to see 90% + of the women on the app. The most dishonest thing they usually do is adding an inch of height, or $20,000 to their annual salary. For all other intents and purposes, the rest of their bio will be real. Then they bring me these horror stories of talking to someone for months, then going to meet them and finding out everything was a lie.
It's not like the “in person” dating scene is any better. We live in a society, where approaching a person sitting alone in a bar or restaurant and simply say “hello my name is..” it can be considered predatory, or toxic behavior. This is a phenomena with an odd double standard, because two different men can approach a woman and say exactly the same thing, but the one she seems to find attractive has done nothing wrong. At the same time, the gentleman she finds unattractive has just engaged in toxic behavior. How can they confidently meet women without being cancelled, go viral online, or even get arrested?
Imagine you are a man with the belief in old fashioned marriage, and no premarital sex. You would normally find a partner by meeting them through mutual acquaintances, work, or church. Well with modern standards, and the me too movement, finding a partner where you work is no longer an option. Leaving mutual friends, and church. Since Covid, the average church attendance is down drastically, and most of the people attending are families, and married couples. So church is not exactly off the table, but it does become a very slim chance of an option. The only real option for old school dating, is meeting people through friends or family. There are both pros and cons to this, the major pro is you usually have a good idea of who, and what the person is. The only real big con, is that it tears your dating pool down to a fraction of its potential size. It eliminates any potential for meeting the other 99.9% of the population.
Until there is an in person option, for every homogenous religious or cultural group to find dates, and meet potential marriage partners, they are all shit out of luck. Especially so if they are straight white males. There are Black only, and Muslim only Apps, along with Christian only dating apps, but again.. even with them we fall back to the same question. How do you know if the person you are talking to in text, is actually who or what they advertise they are? I'm not talking about a person with breasts and a wig being online pretending to be a woman. I'm talking about an AI driven bot, pretending to be a person.
In the passing of the most recent Valentine's day, we saw an explosion of this trend. It was such a big issue, that CBS News had to cover it. People were sending gifts to these bots, then finding out later that the money they wired went to a 350 lb. man in a Nebraska basement, or was even sent to another country. It's quite nearly become a hopeless situation, with no viable solution.
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If people still live in small communities, like the basic American small town, or even the Amish, or Mormons towns, where everyone knows everyone else, are they having the same issues?
No they are not.
How do we get back to a situation where incels, femcels, and gender deception are not common enough to become News, or even considered an acceptable everyday thing?
Drop a comment with your opinion, or a modern dating horror story below.
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Thank you for reading.
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Links and Image Sources:
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/online-dating-scams-chatbots/
https://www.eurodate.com/lpf21/?afid=1816260721&subafid=dev_m|adid_696685978969|kwd_dating%20and%20matchmaking|net_g|pos_|geo_9011843|type_b&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwsPCyBhD4ARIsAPaaRf1mtK0qEDD-q2wXENCQHfCSJzhLvxc7dfmKUcGyGpE99H-M3DAbxjQaAjrqEALw_wcB
https://www.blackpeoplemeet.com/reg/registration/en-us/affinity?marketing=ua&trackingid=603333&bannerid=9697254&CPV2=g&CPV5=ad_653053838285&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwsPCyBhD4ARIsAPaaRf0N8zYlKi-QMRvlz5R34l-wRbuSkzKOS1Pb_jFfdWrV5YQknDct0t4aAlY_EALw_wcB
https://youtu.be/Cz7ygnrwo-g?si=yat_g49G_6YPQOOq
Here is fox news affirming some of the things I stated in the article, just a few hours after I published it. How ironic. 😶